Thursday, June 9, 2011

Not your usual cup of tea.

(Beware- This is an extremely long entry)

Right now- at this very moment in my life, is extremely uneasy. I'm going to share something really personal with all of you guys because I think it's worth letting you guys know. Or, just maybe writing this is some sort of venting process.... anyways- well, I had to kind of disappear from the world the past couple of weeks because something tragic has happened to my dad. I found out that my dad had cancer ever since a month ago but my dad just told me about it last week. Not only does he have cancer due to 2 tumors but he has extreme stomach ulcers. I know this blog entry might not be something you all have hoped for but I just wanted you guys, my fellow long and short loyal bloggers to know this to remind you guys and also myself that life is never predictable.

Growing up, I've always thought that my dad was like superman. He is a very dedicated businessman, a loyal father, friend, spouse, and family member. He has the hugest heart in the world because he believes that nothing can stand in the way of helping others- especially when it comes to family. That's one thing i've learned from him. To never give up on family because no matter what, they love you. Even though some family members might fight against one another because of some useless and pointless argument, it still isn't worth not talking to each other anymore. Because of that, I've always ingrained that mentality into my heart. But to me, family can mean lots of things. Friends are like family, pets are family, teachers are like family, whoever I meet in my life is like family.

So why am I mentioning this? Well, it's always been a goal of mine to inspire others to stay true to their heart. And to me, sharing my personal life is something I would like to do if it means to inspire others through my mistakes. In life i've made many mistakes. And one of the mistakes I regret a lot is taking people for granted in your life. You see, my dad lives in Taiwan. That's why I travel to Taiwan to go and visit my dad as much as possible. But even just visiting I try my best to spend every single second of my life with him. And there are times where I just don't make an effort in making sure my dad is fine. Especially his health. And that's something I definitely need to change.

I don't want him to suffer anymore. It's heartbreaking, seeing my dad, at the age of just 52 walk around like a 92 year old man. It kills me every time I see my dad go to sleep and let out a long, stressed out sigh because his stomach ulcers keep bothering him every. second. of. the. day.

I started begining to lose interest in things I enjoyed doing. I started to not give a _______ about cleaning my room. I started to disconnect myself because I felt like my whole world is falling apart.

But something kicked me inside. Something I couldn't ignore. It was my heart. My heart was telling me to not be so damn selfish and get over griefing over my dad having cancer. My heart was telling me to be strong for my dad because he needs to see strength in his daughter, not sorrow. My heart was telling me to stand back up and wipe my tears away. My heart was telling me that my dad is NOT gone yet and that I still have time to spend every. second. of. my. time. with him.

So I stopped hiding myself in the dark. I had to stand back up and show my dad that everything will be alright. That he can fight this because I know he is strong enough to. I learned something that day also. That no doctor has any given right to tell anyone how many years or months a sick person has left. Yes, knowing in advance is always better but tying you down to just a couple months is beyond ridiculous. No one can predict death. No one. Except God. So I learned to not only make the most out of the time I have with my dad, but to always have faith in God. And to pray everyday that my dads body, mind, and soul could fight his cancer. All I have left of myself is the energy to have hope. Not all hope is lost. And I need to keep that ingrained in myself. Who knows, maybe a miracle can happen. But, until then- I will need time apart from blogging. Not long though, but I still need time to get myself back together.

Remember to make the most out of your days. Cherish the times you have with your parents, with your siblings, with your pets, with your friends, or even teachers. Because, like I said earlier, life is unpredictable.

Until then, I will talk to you all once again.
This doesn't mean that I will stop blogging.
This just means that I need all the time I can to spend the days I have with my dad.
I will be back though, don't worry.


Please give me strength.


aimisyafiqah said...

Be strong dear :)

Lacey Renee Hall said...

This is beautiful.

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Ben said...

Wow, how very brave and strong of you. You are really blessed that you can keep everything in perspective.

Ashley said...

Very inspiring. <3 Best wishes.

Chloe :) said...

be strong, hope, pray, and believe.