Just lately...

Sometimes, I am my own worst enemy. I never could really find a perfect balance between everything.. it's really frustrating actually. Sometimes, I think I believe that I am capable to take on many things regarding my future... whether it was taking as many classes as I can, taking up 3 internships, and following up on my academic goals... I sometimes even wonder if i'm able to do everything in my best ability. Recently, I've also been considering taking on another major. Am I underestimating everything? I sometimes feel like I can and will do everything the best I can, but i'm so damn scared to fail. Fail in my expectations, fail myself...

Getting sick on the first week of school doesn't comfort me either. Working SO hard, staying SUPER busy, trying my best to stay on top of everything has so many setbacks too. I'm starting to question whether or not I can even accomplish my goals. Sigh.. being sick sucks. It forces you to stay in bed and rest, while your eyes are burning, your nose is flooding, and your whole body feels cold and sore, but in reality, you're burning like hell. I guess it is a good thing though... being sick helps me reflect how i'm physically feeling. BURNED OUT. All this for graduation, all this for my dream job, all this for a stable income, all this for strength, all this for success. I need to press on no matter how stressed and tired I feel. I need to make the most out of everyday as much as I can, but... I know i'm not superwoman either. I need to know when too much is too much. I need to listen to what my body is telling me, and right now- it's telling me to stop blogging and pop a cold flu pill and knock out. 6 hours rest until school starts all over again, and the stress repeats. aslkdfazmnc.,z.jefialkd. alright, venting done, time to sleep now.

Oatmeal- Protein Muffin Recipe!

Ingredients:
1. 3 ½ cups of instant whole grain oats
2. 1 ½ cup of soy milk or almond milk
3. 3 spoonfuls of almond powder
4. 2 spoonfuls of brown sugar
5. 1 spoonful of honey
6. 3 eggs
7. 1 handful of granola (Cascadian Farm Organic Honey & Oats granola, the brand I use)
8. 1 mashed up banana
9. This is optional, but you can also add any desired fruit as well:
- Dried cranberries (1 handful)
- Raisins (1 handful)
- Cubed apples (1 handful)
- Etc.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease 12 muffin tray of Pam (olive oil) or any oil you have. Combine all the ingredients together in a large bowl. Mix until ingredients are all moistened. Divide evenly among the muffin tray. Bake for about 20 to 25 minutes. (TIP: poke a chopstick or a toothpick through a muffin to see if it is ready, you can tell if the mixture is either wet or not.) Be careful when taking out the muffins, it will be very hot so let it cool down for about 5-10 minutes before eating.

This is perfect for on the go, Eat two of these with a green monster smoothie and you're good to go for breakfast! It is VERY filling, so you won't go hungry. It's healthy and most importantly, delicious! Yum! Good luck and have fun with the recipe, you can change the ingredients for your own desired taste. Enjoy!

Missing the past, missing a Father...

Dear Dad,

How are you doing up there in Heaven? I hope you've been resting well with grandma and grandpa up there.. As you can tell, many things have occurred lately. There's no point in lying about how i'm feeling, because you probably know well enough how i'm doing... School is good, finals are coming up next week and my study plan failed this week... I know, I know... no excuses. But i'm really working as hard as I can Daddy.. I'm even striving to get straight A's this semester... but my CAS 310 class is SO incredibly hard... i'm landing at an 85% and my children's theatre class is at a B because i'm not a theatre major. How lame is that? sigh, well.. I know I still have a lot to get done.. but something tragic happened today and I couldn't help but not share the same feelings with the parents who lost their kids today at a bloody massacre.. Instead, I lost you.. I miss you Dad... SO much, you have no idea. I try and make myself busy by applying for more internships and studying as hard as I can, while still maintaining a healthy lifestyle. But I dont know what happened.. It's as if I'm stuck back to being the little girl who longs for a day to spend a whole day with her Dad.. I'm stuck Dad. I miss you, and I know you're probably telling me to just shrug it off and move forward, but sometimes I can't. I really do fight and try to ALWAYS stay strong. If it's not for me, but mostly for Connie. But I can't help it sometimes... I sometimes still can't believe I wont be able to get a chance to see you, to scold me, to direct me, to advise me, to hug me, to wish me happy birthday every year, to not be able to meet that special someone in my life, to not be able to walk me down the aisle and give me away in my future wedding.... sigh. I miss you Dad. I don't think i'll ever stop missing you.. There are times I definitely can control myself, and try to stuff my life with things to help occupy my time. But, I can't help but to miss you. I miss you hugging me and telling me things will be okay... I miss your lame jokes. I even miss you always checking on your blackberry for business emails... Sigh. I know, I need to get myself together again. I always have been, but I can't help but breakdown sometimes with the realization of not having you in my life anymore... I can only hope you're doing well up there in Heaven, and that I will never fail to try to make you proud of me every single day.. I will be okay, don't worry Dad. I just sometimes miss you like crazy out of the blue, and I wish you knew how much Connie and I truly did cherish you as a Dad. It's going to be Christmas soon... another one without you. It'll never be the same. But, I know I have to put on a strong face. Trust me Dad, I try really hard every day. I just miss you terribly today. I love you, Dad. Forever and ever.

Your daughter,
Megan.

It's been a LONG time

Wow, 5 months since the last time i've blogged. My only excuse..... school, life, work, a whole new schedule, studying, studying, studying, essays, essays, and more essays! I actually have one last essay to do, and take a personality test for my counseling class before I hit the bed. But what am I doing? Blogging. LOL. Not good. Anyways, just wanted to kind of write my thoughts on here since it's been a while, and I guess I need to let go some steam since I just finished writing my 6 page paper....

All I have to say about the past 5 months is.... change, and how good it does to you.

The next time I write in this, for god knows when- remember this: that in order to get far in life is to take some risks and get out of your comfort zone. You never get anything done if you're stuck into your bubble.

Seriously, repeat.

Change. is. good.

Haven't done much reflection lately, but all is well, and everything is finally falling into place.

Being on top of school, my career, work, health, and my social life is just bliss. Time for more adventures- time for more traveling, time for more reading & meeting new people. Time for eating great food, and sweating it all out on a beast workout.

It feels so damn good to finally take control of my life. :)

Sad, but true

Relationships are harder now because conversations became texting, arguments became phone calls, feelings became subliminal messages online. Sex became easy, the word "love" gets used out of context, insecurities have become your way of thinking. Getting jealous became a habit, trust has been lost, cheating became an accident, leaving became the only option & being hurt became natural.